Obsession.

Ali Raza
3 min readNov 28, 2023
A messy view that’s full of absurdity but yet we can’t deny the fact that it’s as much nature as a green mountain or us humans.

So I was wondering if it’s just me or do you feel the same ache in your heart when it rains… when the thunder rumbles… Do you even miss me? Do you miss me writing about you? My touch? Do you miss me calming you down when your past comes haunting you in your dreams? Do you miss it when I was in your arms and I read you poems that I had written for you… when I caressed your body when I made you feel on top of the world with my cheesy compliments!? Please tell me you miss it all, I wanna know! It might soothe my broken heart a little. Put your ego aside for a second and have some mercy on my soul.
I think about you all the time,
I call it Love,
you can call it whatever you want
Obsession,
if it soothes your mind…
Nature reminds me of you, your calming presence, your aura, your vibe.
Art reminds me of your hazel eyes, your glowy skin, and your glistening hair. You were art yourself. Art that nobody else can value as much as I did (or still do, who knows?). A bold claim, I know, but you’ll see!
No matter where I go, there’s just no escape for me. You are everywhere. In thunder, in rain, in petrichor, in these chilly airs, these tastes, in my imaginations, my thoughts, my words, my pain, my suffering, my misery,… You are everywhere and there’s no escape!
I don’t blame you. I never did. Maybe we just weren’t meant to be. Maybe you’re just not supposed to be with the person you completely fall for.
A friend asked me why it is “falling in love” and not “rising in love”? That raised so many questions but the answer was so apparent, it was right there, at the surface.
You literally fall. This process is beyond your control. You can’t rationalize. You see things in them others can’t see and they might even call you stupid or crazy for that.
Maybe the essence of truly falling in love with somebody is that you can’t get to be with them forever.
Now that I’m out of that phase where I was in constant pain, when I couldn’t sleep, when you haunted me in my dreams (you still do, but only sometimes), I kinda realize that I have been in a similar situation before. I have tried my best to fall in love with some people but I just couldn’t. Maybe it was karma that got back at me. There are a lot of maybes and whys in my story, I know, but by letting them out of my head, writing them down soothes my brain a little, I can’t help it.
So, my beloved, tell me that you wanted to fall in love with me and you couldn’t. Tell me that you at least intended to love me, for who I was, for what I was… for that, it’ll be enough, enough to soothe my soul, for tonight at least!

— from the archives…

--

--

Ali Raza

“Should I kill myself or drink a cup of coffee” Software dev / writer Into philosophy, literature, and compscience.