For the longest time, my heart longed for a Soviet winter. Now, it yearns for an Italian summer. I had always loved foggy days, and long, dark, lonely nights. Now, I want to experience a sunny summer day, with good company, with you!! I liked covering myself up with layers of clothes, hiding my skin… Now, I want the summer wind to graze my naked skin, my arms, my neck, my chest, and my entire body. I want your soft touches. I want to swim with you until we get too cold and shiver. I want to go through long summer days and get bored with you. Perhaps, an Italian summer, you, and all the bliss that comes with it, would suffice. It’d be enough. Enough to make it all worth it for me. I am not sure about how it’d turn out in reality though. I have only watched it in a movie. But I want to figure it out, figure out the truth, with you! For what it’s worth, I’m a daydreamer, and dreams are quite different from reality.
You asked me about my biggest fear in life… Well, to answer that, it’s not being able to grow, change, or improve, as a human. I don’t ever want to stop growing. That’s what living means to me; change. People change, their beliefs change, their tastes change and so does the way they lead life. I loved Haruki yesterday, but today I don’t. It’s natural. If you expect me to keep loving Haruki, even after his failed attempts to justify pedophilia, you’d be stupid as fuck. Please don’t be stupid. Stupidity irritates me. It irks me to my core.
I think evolution is an integral part of nature. It’s inevitable. Never have a fixed mindset. I want you to believe in great things. Impossible ones. I want you to grow, daydream, and constantly improve with me! So, you tell me, would you be willing to do that?
— from the archives…